


i'll come back (on my knees someday)

by zeniel



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, I made it gay, Song fic, based on 'my man' from funny girl, but like, i wrote this 6k monster during quaratine, pls read this is so special to me, self-indulgent sapphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26973391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeniel/pseuds/zeniel
Summary: There was something earnest and gentle about this night. Maybe it was the slight mist that settled under the London sky, clouding the view of the moon and the stars. Or perhaps, it was the low sound of the chaos that London always brought this time of night, all-consuming and magical.Or it was just her, umber skin shining under the mist, like a beacon of hope. Amidst all the chaos, it was you, forevermore, just like I had sung.(how seo and xiomara re-met each other)
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	i'll come back (on my knees someday)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I know a lot of you have been wanting me to update my catradora fanfic since it's been left without any updates for a while but I've been wanting to store up chapters before I start updating again! In the meanwhile, have this very self-indulgent one-shot thing about two characters I hold very close to my heart; Seo and Xiomara! There will be a proper story coming with them with actual character development and plot but until then please take this one-shot! And be kind!

There was a reason that Seo had tried to avoid London for so long. 

It was difficult at first-- for someone with such a wide-spread fanbase and repertoire to ignore one of the largest performing cities in the world. Seo's fans based in London had nearly thrown riots again and again as she toured the world; every nook and cranny of it; and the mention of London had gone unsaid and neglected. It came to the point that every single one of her messages and comments from fans was about London. 

With three tours matched with a fully-fleshed out album for each, Seo had had many opportunities to revisit London. To finally get over the grief that the dark, musty city had brought to her life. To make sure that whatever part of her that she had buried in London stayed there, bones and all. 

She didn't know what brought her to do this all of a sudden. A full decade had passed. Seo was no longer a naive eighteen-year-old girl, fresh into the business. She didn't have any of the optimism or the charm that she used to. That was replaced by broken contracts and developed talent instead. 

Maybe it was the old movie stub she had found a year after. The way that her one-night stands always resembled the tenderness that she discovered at such a young age. That still left a sour taste in her mouth. The broken lip she had to get treated a month after it was over; she had broken it during a game of truth or dare. The questions from the doctor still haunted her mind.

It had to be the constant yes, and no's. _Are you seeing anybody? No. Are you in love? Yes. Do you want to be seeing someone? Yes. Do you want to be in love? No._

Seo blinks at her reflection in the mirror. If she leant close enough to the smooth cutting glass, she could see herself from a decade before-- young and innocent, scared and fragile. Not alone.

The woman willed herself to close her eyes and pretend-- and then maybe, she'd be back to when she was seventeen, and everything made sense. She'd return to the time when soft hands would grab the palm of her hand and press it to her chest. Where she'd be greeted with a platinum grin that always surprised, no matter how many times she'd seen it. Be it during a lazy morning or a moonlight rendezvous, and it'd still catch her off guard. 

_Please,_ Seo wills her mind quietly, as she had done a hundred times before, _take me back to her._

Her eyes flicker open, and she grimaces—no such luck. 

-

There was a reason that Seo decided that this would be an impromptu performance, only letting her agent alert her fans and the general public half an hour before the show was about to start. She knew that the questions, the lingering, the conspiracy theories would start and Seo was not someone who enjoyed that extra layer of pressure before a performance. 

Especially not at a performance as important as this. Not one as unique as this was going to be. Not how Seo was going to make it be. Everyone knows Seo has the "lucky girl". In the music and dance industries, especially in New York, that was her nickname. Luck, luck, luck-- it was instrumental in her making it in the business. Hell, it was necessary for all artists who wanted to make it, luck.

She hated it. She detested how luck was the only reason she became a household name, how that a record label only signed her on as an experiment and how when Seo accepts an award for the best artist of the year, the woman never feels like she deserves it.

No more. No more "Lucky Seo" and no more holding back. No being the new girl on the block and no more waiting for the press to catch up with her. 

Her time was now. 

This night, Seo thought to herself, as she prepared to leave the dressing room, would go down in history. For better or for worse. 

-

The Purple Patch is a small, unnotable bar found on the North-West side of London. It's a hole in the wall joint, nestled right in between the poshness of Northern London and the run-down, quaint nature of Western London. 

It's not a grand establishment. It's warm and cosy, someplace that reminds you of home and safety. Seo remembers the first time she came here, even younger than 17. She was 16, and she was scared of the streets of London. Finding someplace like this was like finding heaven amidst the crowded haunts of hell and misery. So, even as she enters, more than a decade later, it has the same effect. 

All these faces, Seo realizes as she smiles to herself, stepping out of the makeshift dressing room they'd provided for Seo in the back, look familiar. She obviously didn't know all of the patrons and all of the old employees had moved onto bigger and brighter things, but they were something that felt normal about Purple Patch. That made her feel like a lost girl at heart who desired for a place to call home. 

Seo is aware of her phone ringing dimly, but she waits for a second, taking it all in before going back to reality. This was who she was, and maybe that's why she had ignored London for so long. 

Maybe the scariest place to ever go back to is home.

Seo answered the call. "René, talk to me." 

-

Her agent, René, had been with her since the very beginning. She had seen it all; from the time that she had that legion of creepy stalkers to her international concerts being sold out in the blink of the eye. And yet, Seo had never heard her like this.

"It's insane out here, Seo." They have been working together so long that they have completely dropped the pretence of "Ms" and "Ma'am" somewhere around the first six months. "You know we can't let them all in, there's limited seating."

Seo scrunched her nose in frustration. She hated turning away her fans, especially those who live in London since she'd be depriving them the most. She made a mental note to do another concert in London, no matter the response she'd get to this one. "Yes, I know René. Just make sure the minors are given first priority and that security makes sure they're settled. And only a couple press members, please."

"Already let the Times in. That should be more than enough for now. We can do more interviews while we're still here."

"You're a gem, René." Seo murmurs in a distracted tone. As soon as they had let people start coming in, she had been hanging out behind the stage along with the band, letting the sound of them tuning their instruments soothe her as she asked this next question. "No sign of...?"

"She's not here yet, Seo, I'm sorry." _This wasn't about her._ Seo had to press that message through her head before the fact that she wasn't here-- the first one whom she sent an invitation to and got to know beforehand might not make it. That the woman that she had been entranced with for years and years; through the aching mornings, tepid evenings and starless nights; might not show up.

"Seo?"

"If she shows up, make sure she's not close to the stage, okay?" Seo's voice is small and fragile; proving the theory that yes, she would always just turn her back into that young teenager, desperate for the other girl to notice her. She felt young again, and like it was her first gig all over again. "I'll lose focus."

The girl could tell that there was so much René wanted to say. But, like all good agents, she settled with a quiet sigh and an "Of course."

The time to perform creeps closer and with that, the nerves running through Seo's entire body feels alive and like it had just been doused with gasoline wholly.

She closes her eyes again.

_You're ready, her gentle yet exuberant voice reaches out. Seo can see her just the way she was at 17. Beautiful, enchanted, a figment of her imagination come to life._

_Seo remembers looking up at her that night. She viscerally remembers smiling as she twirled around in her bright yellow outfit. It was a gorgeous colour on her, and the dress fit her just right. It draped her in the way that things always did; like they belonged to her. Stopping right before her knees, Seo couldn't help but wonder if she could remember this for decades._

_(Spoiler Alert: She Could.)_

_Yellow always was your favourite colour. Seo murmurs, smiling so hard that she felt like she was about to be stuck right here, amid a stinky bathroom, her heels sticking to the floor._

_Lips parted, and a soft press of ruby red lips against her colourless ones brought her back to her consciousness. Oxygen felt like it could be pumped into her system once again like everything was in order._

_She smiled. "Seo, if you don't get out there and do this, I'll be so mad at you." Her words were light, she didn't mean it. But Seo could never disappoint her._

_"Thought you hated me."_

_"Thank god you finally caught on, it was getting exhausting." The girl's lips shift into a smirk. "Go, get them, killer."_

"Seo?" This time it was René's voice and not hers, to Seo's distinct and immediate displeasure. She couldn't stop grinning, though. Not after René informed her that it was showtime.

_Go, get them, killer._

_-_

Seo is used to crowds by now.

After being the star of three world tours and visiting fans from all over the world, she knows how raucous it gets. And how, yes, literally thousands of people can fill up a concert, cheering for her like she was a god. 

Yet, she knows that that was not what this performance was going to be about. 

People knew Seo as a performer. Whenever she sang, her body would shake with energy, with yearning, with a passion for being heard. To be noticed. She'd play with riffs on electric guitars and drum solos. Match that with her highly impressive set of vocals that could range from edgy and deep to flawlessly high, there was no question why her concerts were concerned one of the most envied events. 

But today's performance was going to be unworldly. It was going to be about emotion, about everything Seo once had, about how loss and gain changed her life. 

Today's performance was going to be about everything that Seo had stored up over the last 10 years and what she had never let out. 

The air is tight and filled with tension. Whispers of anticipation fill the air from the patrons who were seated at the bar to Seo's anxious fans, wondering what this performance had in store for them. 

Seo felt her heart pinch when she couldn't see Xiomara. 

_She doesn't need to be here for it to happen_ , a small, nearly unfamiliar voice chirps in the back of Seo's head. _This is for you._

Seo takes in a quick whiff of fresh air before walking out onto the stage, allowing the glare of the stage light and the warmness of the bar flood her senses. Be it in front of a crowd in California, the achingly intoxicating haunts of cosmopolitan Europe or this small, intimate bar in London, she was still Seo and a performer at heart. So, that's what she was going to do. 

As she stepped onto the stage, her fans; the ones that she had been practically torturing for years; started to cheer so loudly that Seo was nearly sure that the sound was reverberating off the walls of the tiny bar. She grinned wildly, her smile spreading from cheek to cheek. There was nothing that calms her nerves down like a reminder of why she was a performer. 

For years, Seo had been struggling with this question, on and off again. Did she make the right decision? Choosing this life of endless shows, never really having a home, being put under the public's eye no matter what Seo did, was it all worth it? The question went away whenever she performed, whenever Seo saw how much her music actually meant to people, especially her young fans. 

Of course, the question returned when she returned to her hotel room, the feeble and fleeting place she called a home every other night. Seo was struck with a bout of loneliness that never seemed to disappear, no matter how much she tried to focus on her passion. 

Seo did wonder how her life would be if she decided to take the long road. If she didn't jump at the first shot of being in the spotlight. Seo probably wouldn't be as accomplished or well-known as the woman is now. But maybe she would have made up with that by having a family-- a warm place to come home to every night and a girl with dazzling umber skin by her side. 

Seo shook her head slightly to herself, dragging away thoughts of loneliness and nostalgia. Instead, she smiled into the mic as her fans continued to cheer for her. Call Seo a narcissistic, but there was just something irresistible about being coveted in the eyes of her fans that she couldn't stay away from. 

Her eyes gleamed with determination, motivated to carry out what she promised herself she would—a spectacular performance. Seo grinned wildly. "Hey everyone!" she practically gushed into the microphone, all of the anxiety and waiting up till this moment, making her a lot more eager than usual. 

No one seemed to mind. And as Seo's fans cheered louder in celebration, Seo felt it. That strum of energy passing through her veins, that excitement that was getting to her head. The thrill of performance, of theatricality. 

Seo smirked. _There you are._ Grabbing the microphone with a newly defined sense of performance, she takes it off its stand and brings it closer to her lips. "I guess I owe you all an explanation, huh?" Another round of cheers started up before Seo puts her hands up in protest. "Okay, relax! That's what I'm here for."

The lights of the room suddenly ran dimmer; something that René had made happens, setting the mood just as Seo had asked to do. The woman's lips pressed into a thin line as she started walking the length of the stage, nearly pacing. The people in the audience began to look a bit uneasy; this wasn't like any concert that they had been to, albeit internationally, or heard about it. Something different was afoot. 

"A lot of you guys," Seo starts, gesturing to the audience, with a gentle voice, "assumed I hated London. That's why I never came and performed here, right? The city was too busy, too impersonal. The Tube felt like hell on earth, and the people were too dismissive, right? That's what you all thought." She pauses for a second and lets a small noise of approval bounce through the audience. 

"Well, you're right. And wrong. It's a complicated situation." Seo breathes out, chuckling to herself. "London is too busy. It's loud and impersonal and I never quite got the hang out of the Tube. But I don't hate London." She pauses for a moment, letting her eyes flick over the audience and the bar. People who weren't even here for her performance seemed interested, and there were people even recording her 'discreetly' on their phones. Seo continued; René had told her that this would probably end up on the Internet.

"London was the very first place I ever performed actually." She gestures to this stage and to the rest of the bar. "Right here, in the Purple Patch. Surprising, I know!" Seo's finally gotten a flow on, her shoulders have loosened up and her chest a bit lighter. "I was not good. I was terrible and tipsy a lot of the time," she whispers in a very conspiring tone, making those in the audience giggle a little. 

"But this was where my career started eventually and where I realized that performing and singing were what I needed to do with my life. This bar, London...the people I met in London." Seo stops for a moment, letting her mind take her back for just a moment. "Simply put, it's my home. Always has been and always will be." The poignant silence comes over the audience, and for a moment, it feels like Seo can't breathe. "Which is why I couldn't come back for so long."

Seo smiled to herself, bordering on the edge of bitter and yearning. "This was the city that made me who I am today, and so I wanted to remember London as I did when I was 17. Naive, stupid and in love." There are small gasps of realization from audience members, and Seo lets a slight feeling of relief wash over her. 

Her fandom was large and with it came many theories about why she never performed in London. Needless to say, one of the most ones was that she had a love story gone wrong in the city. Seo had written many songs about heartbreak, about leaving love behind, about the teenage sweetheart, so it was an instant connection. They never had any concrete evidence behind it, but the fans had taken it and ran with it. It should have bothered Seo, but then again, it was true. 

And this, having the truth out in the open, was a relief. The aftermath would be rough and intrusive, the woman knew, but Seo knew that she had to get it out in the open, that she needed closure.

"I met a girl in this very city. We were the same age, and I had never met anyone like her, which infuriated the hell out of me." Before Seo knows it, words about her are flowing out of her mouth faster than expected. Every detail, every quirk and everything that Seo remembers about her that she's shoved down and denied for years was resurfacing. Like nothing had ever changed.

"She was sly and gorgeous and filled with ambition like nothing I'd ever seen. We hated each other actually." Seo pauses with a smile on her face again, remembering, before continuing in a knowing tone, "And then we didn't. We really didn't." A few good-fashioned laughs and chortles bounce throughout the audience, and Seo can't help but let a little warmth sneak into her chest, all honey-glazed and emotional. 

"She made me into a different person!" Seo exclaimed, reconnecting the microphone to its' stand, a wishful, peaceful look in her eyes. "When I talked to her, she made me feel like every word I spoke was the most precious thing ever. And when she held my hand, I felt content. And at 17," Seo felt the emotions rush into her like a storm, tears welling up in her eyes and a thick coat of pining covering her like a blanket, "I thought I found it. I was happy, I was content. And I didn't need anything else but her."

Seo felt pulpy tears start to smudge her vision, causing her to step away from the microphone and press the back of her hand to her lips, trying to suppress the emotion. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to remember why she was here. Closure. "We were kids." Seo continued bitterly. "Stupid, naive kids in love and we really thought we could make it. Hell, sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if we did make it." She smiles widely, her body still shaking from the turbulent emotions she was experiencing before whispering into the microphone. "We'd be sensational together, I know that much." 

"For all the things we had in common," Seo started up again, a smirk on her face as she remembered all of their various arguments, "we were very different people. And we had a lot of arguments. Most of our arguments were just about ridiculous things. Like idiotic things!" the woman exclaimed. From the corner of her eye, she sees the members of the audience lean in, more and more interested in what Seo was saying. She breathes a subtle sigh of relief; at least people weren't leaving, with her long tirade. 

Seo continued, a glint in her eyes as she went on talking about the girl she loves, "She adored movies. All kinds of movies! I was more of a music and tv-show girl myself, but she was absolutely infatuated with movies. And not just any movie but old movies. Mostly musicals." Seo chuckled, a bemused smile coming over her lips. 

"Casablanca, Grease, Moulin Rouge, Singin' in the Rain and her favourite Funny Girl. She practically dragged me to that movie theatre down by 18th that shows old classical movies every weekend, and we'd watch something different. I never really got the hype for any of them but..." Seo trailed off, letting her mind drift back to the memory, "...seeing her so happy was worth it."

_Here's your chance, Seo,_ the voice in her head started ringing. _It's time to start singing. It's time for closure._

Clearing her throat carefully, Seo went on, positioning herself in front of the microphone, correctly this time. "I had never been much of a Broadway girl myself. My style has always been more punk-rock, 

drive-you-insane, as everyone here knows." She smiles and punctuates her words with a knowing tone, and her fans in the audience smile brightly. "But, today, I'd like to omit that for just one performance." Seo's hands grasp the microphone stand timidly and all again, she felt like that nervous girl, performing for the first time on this very stage. 

"Her favourite song from Funny Girl was 'My Man,'. This was the song that one Babara Streisand sang as a closing number in the movie. Needless to say, I always heard it from her. Whether it was playing on her laptop or she was singing it off-tune in the shower, wherever she went, this song followed." Seo's eyes are somewhat clouded and melancholic as she looks out to the audience. "This song is about how Fanny Brice didn't get her man at the end of the movie. And sadly," Seo chuckles bitterly, "I think the same stands for me. At the end of the story, I didn't get my lady either."

"I don't know if she'll ever hear this," Seo starts, letting her hands drift down to her sides in an attempt to relax, "but if she does, I just want her to know that this song is not a goodbye from me." Seo's voice breaks. "It's saying that I still love you, but it's time for me to heal." 

The spotlight in the bar has now focused on Seo. The woman blinks twice as the blinding white light shines on her, prepping herself for battle. It was time, and Seo knew that she owed it; to herself, to the woman that she loved, and to all the hours of work and sacrifice; not to blow it. 

The strings of the harp pull and the thrill of the piano keys fill the room up with their melodies. A feeling of anticipation, of nervousness, fills up the room as well, reverberated from not only the audience members but from Seo herself. 

_Here goes nothing._

_"Oh, my man, I love him so,"_ Seo starts, her gentle yet commanding voice releases into the room. The easy tune, the silence filling the rest of the bar, it's nearly too much for Seo to handle. The urge to race off the stage and book the first flight out of London is overwhelming already. But she holds — this was too special to be ruined. 

The rest of the band starts accompanying her with the rest of their instruments; forcing Seo to feel it strumming through her skin instead; without any intense thoughts or emotions getting in the way. _"He'll never know."_

_("I can't believe you convinced me to sneak out after curfew!" She gushed to Seo. The scene is simple, with two girls sneaking out to an abandoned park, ice cream and a bottle of tequila in hand._

_The tequila was Seo's idea, the ice cream hers._

_"Rules are meant to be broken," Seo whispers into the other girl's ear before she takes a quick swig of tequila straight from the bottle and winces. "That is deeply terrible, oh my god."_

_The other girl laughs wholly, her laughter echoing through the chilly and comfortable night. "Serves you right, babe.")_

Memories, often like these, pop up out of nowhere when Seo performs. They usually flood in while she performs songs she's written just for her and when the melodies have been custom-made to bring the two of them joy. This time, it's a little different. It comes with no purpose and in flashes. And with every new line, the emotion builds. 

_"All my life is just despair, but I don't care,"_ Seo sings whilst raising her head and opening her eyes wide to take a look at the room. A sense of emotion and melancholy has filled it that even those who didn't sign up to see Seo perform have their eyes directed towards the stage. 

It was kind of impossible not to pay attention to Seo right now. Although she had none of the formative makings of a Broadway actress, you'd be blind if you didn't notice the absolute passion that Seo was dispelling out on the stage with nothing but complete sincerity. 

Seo croons into the microphone, her voice building in strength and determination. _"When he takes me in his arms..."_

_("You can't just do things like that!" Seo exclaims, half-upset and half shocked by the fact that this girl, who had proclaimed on more than one occasion that she detested her, had just kissed her so passionately and without reason._

_She snorted, her attitude breezy and relaxed. "Why not? I know for a fact that you like me and," The girl moves closer to Seo, taking the shorter girl into her arms, "that I like you. So, why can't I kiss you?"_

_Seo couldn't fight the grin coming on. "You're a complete idiot.")_

_"The world is bright, all right."_ Seo breathes the words out, almost breathless with how much this performance had already taken out of her. 

It was always the smaller memories that got Seo in the end. Those memories that would carefully knot her into nothing but bones and pulp at the end of the day. The way she would always do things that Seo could never predict, the way that she would comfort her, no matter what.

A shiver went through Seo's body; small enough so that no one else could notice but big enough that she could feel it, strumming underneath her skin. " _What's the difference if I say I'll go away?"_ she continues, a raspy-like tone grabbing her voice. The strum of the coordinated instruments behind her kept her present, for the most part, memories still colliding and clashing in her head. 

_("Were you just going to leave?" Her words are like a poison dart to Seo's soul. She turns to see the other girl moving towards her, angry tears filling up her eyes. "After all we've been through?"_

_"What choice do I have?" Seo yells back in between tears and her hands shaking so rapidly that it rings against the door, making an abrupt sound. "I can't-- I can't be the person you need, I can't-"_

_"Please," Her words are so fragile and delicate that it breaks Seo's heart. She grabs Seo's hand as a last-ditch attempt, pulling her close enough so that their foreheads could touch, "Promise me you won't go away. Please.")_

_"When I know I'll come back, on my knees someday."_ Seo had never considered herself much of a crier before she met her. Even while they were together, she showed her emotions in other ways, preferably those that did not include tears. 

But, somehow, here, on this stage, being watched and recorded, a tear floated down her cheek. Emotion in her voice was now crowding, but Seo couldn't take it in herself to care; she was too long-gone now. Seo felt herself disappearing into her performance; letting the memories of her and the broken promises take hold of her. 

_("Kiss me," she challenged Seo. A wild smirk and an exuberant redness coloured the other girl's features, but Seo could tell she was dead serious._

_"Why?" Seo felt the girl moving closer already, her movements sharp and deliberate._

_"Cause I want to know that you're mine. My girlfriend, right?" She pulled Seo into a tight-knit embrace before giggling into the crook of her neck. "So, kiss me."_

_She finally lets a smile break in between her lips. "I can never say no to you, can I?")_

Seo misses it all; she misses the comfort that she could find in her during the late nights where they'd sneak into each other's rooms past curfew; Seo misses the ease with which the other girl would kiss her and make her feel at home; the woman loved the way she made her feel. 

She had lied before. This city wasn't her home; it was only a part of it.

But **Xiomara?**

Xiomara was her home. 

_"For whatever my man is,"_ Seo's baritone is raised up bravely, and she can feel everything meld together _(the ache, the loneliness, the yearning) i_ nto an explosive passion, forever chaotic and unreal, _"I am his, forevermore."_

The strum of the instruments of the band starts up again; wild and unforgiving; Seo can feel it all happen at once. The clashing of the cymbals, the strings of the violins, the blowing of the trumpet-- it's ethereal, and Seo feels herself rising up along with the instruments. She had heard other musicians talk about how the rise feels, how it feels to be on the edge of glory. 

Even after touring the world and so many years in the business, Seo had never felt the way that fellow artists had described it. Somewhere along the way, she had forgotten about getting that feeling. So what if Seo couldn't capture it? There were plenty of talented and successful artists who hadn't felt like that, maybe she was one of them. 

But, no. Here, it was. The edge of glory was what Seo always wanted. And it wasn't just the fact that this was one of the best vocal performances she's ever given. It wasn't that the sound of the instruments was flowing through her, in and out. It wasn't the feeling of finally coming home and feeling alive in it once again. It wasn't even all those things together; as sensational as it was. 

It was Xiomara. She was here, she had to be here. Seo could always feel her eyes on her; silent, observing, proud. And so she searched, her eyes scanning the audience critically. There wasn't much time before Seo had to hit the next note; and without seeing her, she wasn't sure if she could. Her thoughts started spiralling, doubting herself, until...

_("Do you think you'll recognize me a decade from now?" Whenever they were hanging out, Xiomara would often ask Seo odd questions, coming seemingly out of nowhere._

_Seo chuckled, the answer was easy: "Of course I will. It'd be hard to forget you, babe.")_

There was Xiomara, sitting in the audience alone, her eyes glued to the stage and to Seo as if the world would crumble if she looked away. That look, _(of ache, of loneliness, of yearning)_ was the look that drew Seo in. This had to be Xiomara. 

Soon enough, she spotted everything else that made Xiomara her. The girl's cherry red lipstick, blinding anyone who looked; her light brown braids, trailing the sides of her cheeks and the back of her neck; her eyes-- brown and soulful as they always are.

It was her; it was Xiomara. Xiomara was here.

_"Oh, my lady, I love her so, she'll never know!"_ Suddenly the entire atmosphere of the Purple Patch changes; the dim spotlight that was focused on Seo faded into a brighter light, filling the whole bar instead; the woman's words are sharper, more deliberate; and most notably, the change in pronouns elicits loud and raucous cheers and applause from the audience. 

There is a gleam of determination running through Seo's eyes as they fixate on Xiomara-- the other woman who was seemingly taken by Seo and the sudden change around her. Although it wasn't notable to everyone around her, Xiomara and Seo both knew what this song was about; what it had become.

_("Hey," Seo spoke gently into the phone, her voice stable and calming. It had been a long day, and the young girl was just about to head to bed, sleepy enough to drift off into a dreamless sleep. But she knew if Xiomara was calling so late, it had to be urgent._

_"Hi," Xiomara's low and feeble voice echoed into the phone and Seo was immediately on alert. Even though Seo always put on the act of being the tough one and the one who never really cared about anything, that really wasn't it. Sometimes she thought she cared too much._

_"Are you okay?" Seo asked, an urgent tone to her voice, the words practically seeping concern and sincerity through the phone._

_"Don't worry, I'm fine!" Xiomara insisted vehemently before sighing into the phone experimentally. "Just...I can't sleep tonight, and I really miss you. So can we just...talk?"_

_Seo's lips curve into a gentle smile. "Yeah, of course, we can, Xo.")_

The performance continues with Seo belting out the delicate, prettily plucked lines of, _"All my life is just despair, but I don't care!"_ The words are nearly angry now; like she's delivering them to Xiomara by-hand. There are messages between the lines that feel impossible to interpret and handle, something that will haunt the two of them on various sleepless nights. 

The combination of everything; the loud cheers, seeing Xiomara again, the magnitude of this performance; fills Seo's veins with passion, making it so that she can't focus on anything but the song and Xiomara's face, trying to read it every way she knows how. 

_"When she takes me in her arms, the world is bright!"_ The compassion that Seo delivers is almost unbearable. It makes you want to look away but you just can't, the degree of emotion too much to turn away from. Tears are sneaking out from the bottom of her eyelids and wetness developing beneath the bottom lid of her eyes. 

_The next note has to be perfect_ , Seo reminds herself, and she can feel it-- the sense of being psyched out, of messing it up, she can feel the drop from the edge of glory. She feels like screaming-- not now, not when she had gotten so damn close. 

She feels the formation of a note failing, of her voice falling too sharp forming in her throat when she catches a glimpse of Xiomara, her eyes resolute and faithful. 

_(Xiomara smiles beautifully. She smiles like the world is radiant and is shining alongside her. And just like she had always done, she had calmed the storm forming in Seo's wrinkled chest._

_"Go get them, killer.")_

_"Alright!"_ The note builds higher and higher, taking all that Seo has right there in her bones. It takes all that's left of her and pours it into making sure that that note is perfect and beautifully executed.

It is. 

Seo is on a roll from here; so much so that she doesn't have a chance to feel overwhelmed with the fact that despite psyching herself out she hit the note or the thunderous, voluminous applause that follows her hitting the notes. Tears stream down her cheeks, and she feels like she's breaking right there on stage for the world to see. 

Seo can't find it in herself to care because according to her, all that exists at that moment is herself, the music and Xiomara, looking at her just like she did all those years ago. 

" _What's the difference if I say I'll go away?"_ There is nothing left of Seo now except a pile of emotion, raw and unfiltered. It feels like a message to Xiomara; intended or not. _"When I know I'll come back, on my knees someday!"_

A pause fills the room. 

The performance is nearly over. 

_Please,_ Seo pleads _, don't let this be the end again._

_"For whatever my lady is,"_ Seo feels it; the beginning of the end. This note is complicated; she remembers how it felt, spending hours on end trying to perfect how it'd jump from up-high to a sultry low without choking on the lines between. There was a reason Seo had never performed broadway songs before, this was one of the intricacies that only Broadway-bound artists could master. 

Not that that was going to stop Seo from trying to absolutely nail it. 

" _I am hers,"_ The pitch rises, strong and firm, reaching a height that dangerously makes Seo feel dizzy in an intoxicatingly wondrous manner that she only heard fellow artists talk about, never experiencing herself. Overwhelmed by the emotions of the performance and the audience's thrill, tears continue to roll down her cheeks. 

_"Forevermore!"_ The line is drawn out and spectacular, reaching a note higher than anything Seo had ever sung before an audience. She knows that any moment now, the other shoe is going to drop. Something is going to go wrong because nothing can be that perfect. A picture-perfect performance can never exist, that was what Seo was always told.

A horde of loud, profound applause fills the room as the note ends, and the instruments stop. The Purple Patch is filled with patrons and audience members alike jumping to their feet, giving Seo a standing ovation.

Xiomara included.

Emotions are ripping through Seo's body like a storm. Melancholy, joy, hopefulness; they all collide into a mixture of sensation, culminating into her bones, engraved in there forever. 

Experts and other artists may have said that there was no such thing as a perfect performance.

But both Seo and Xiomara had to disagree. 

-

The rest of the performance went without a hitch. It was smooth, comfortable, with none of the pressures of hitting the right note or tears getting in the way of the performance. 

Seo actually enjoyed herself; playing humble melodies on her worn-out guitar, singing songs she'd written as well as some of her favourite songs to cool her down from her intense performance. Having an informal 'jam' session with the members of the audience and even some of the patrons was fun, cooling her off. And even though all she wanted to do was find Xiomara (who had disappeared during the standing ovation), she knew that she needed this. 

The performance was over almost as quickly as she started. With a few hugs and heartfelt words given to her fans and a firm promise of more concerts in London, Seo was done for the day.

She wasn't 100% sure that she had really digested everything that had happened. From her declaration of feelings to the performance to everything else that had happened, she was all sorts of scrambled. Seo didn't even know what to think. 

Her phone rang, and with the exhaustion etched into her skin, Seo couldn't bother to see who was calling.

"Hey." Seo practically whispered into the phone, words feeble and all. A chuckle, one too familiar and sweet responded. 

"Hey, Seo." The girl's eyes widened as she heard the familiar silky tone trickle into her phone's receiver. "Can we talk?" 

A small, familiar smile comes over Seo's lip; something that she hadn't felt in years. "Where are you?"

Seo is met with a playful scoff, something that feels so familiar that she wants to sob before running to wherever Xiomara and remembering everything about her all over again, muttering words of hello and can we be something once more. "Come and find me," Xo whispers into the phone. A challenge.

  
-

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little piece of writing! If you liked it or had any sort of constructive critics, please comment below or message me on Discord or Twitter! I'll be leaving my handles below.
> 
> Much love, Zeniel
> 
> Twitter: @simpingforher  
> Discord: Sof #0484


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